I did not know Chris Seaton; I wouldn't have recognized his name even if provided in the context of ruby. I suspect that he realized that his final series of tweets would result in more open discussion of mental health and that this would benefit people who might be in a similar state of unrest.

I don't write on the internet often. When I do, I don't polish, edit or usually even read it. I just like to dump some thoughts from my brain and move on. This is likely not a great way to write about struggles with mental health, but I think that it's more important to get thoughts out there than to have people impressed with how well presented they are. So here are a few thoughts from this week as I reflect on someone intentionally and openly sharing their last thoughts candidly on twitter:

I struggle with depressive thoughts fairly regularly. It has been a very long time since I have considered these thoughts dangerous or scary, but I have had (if had is the right verb) suicidal ideations more times than I can count in my life. Over the last ten years they have been stoic negative visualization and not serious contemplation of self-harm.

I see a therapist on and off to help me deal with these thoughts when they start to become overwhelming. I think it's clear and beneficial that we continue to destigmatize regular mental health care. We should all talk more openly about these issues, especially because they are difficult.

At the start of this year I embraced sobriety as a way to improve my overall well-being. A couple months later I attempted to re-introduce alcohol in a moderate way to my life. I was not able to maintain moderation and while there was no serious acute harm from alcohol, it wrecked my sleep, made me feel bad about myself and led to about 15 pounds of weight gain. In October I once again reclaimed intentional sobriety and have seen (again) all sorts of benefits to my well-being. Not everyone needs sobriety, and in some ways I will always be envious of people who can maintain a relatively healthy level of moderation, but I am not one of those people, and I suspect that there are more people who are in denial about their inability to moderate than people that have actually achieved. Also, alcohol is just undeniably unhealthy, even if there is a correlation between certain kinds of consumption and pockets of longevity in the world.

I need to keep sharing these thoughts out loud in discussion, as well as to stream them out to anyone that might come across them. I hope I can do more of it in 2023.

If you are reading this and you would like to chat about any of my experiences, or any of your own, please reach out to me.